Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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