i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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