How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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