Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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