My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize