and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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