Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my being single is dangerous.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize