So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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