i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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