i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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