no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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