Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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