Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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