happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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