I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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