I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Buhtt sex?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
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She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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