You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize