Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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