i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize