wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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