taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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