can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Enjoy the penises
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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