The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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