You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize