u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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