she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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