If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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