And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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