Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize