We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize