Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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