he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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