Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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