Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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