A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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