Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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