Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were destined to go to rehab together
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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