My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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