Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize