I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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