he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize