trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
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Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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