She's JV to your varsity
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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