The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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