Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she told me i tasted like america
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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