You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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