I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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