Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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