This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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