I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize